Plague at Home

Being at home is supposed to make one feels better.

...but I am not feeling one iota of contentment.

First, I have had to wake up early in the morning and send my gran to the clinic everyday. No, I don't hate her. I just hate waking up before 10 o'clock. I get headache and I become extremely clumsy in the morning. My mom said to my brother, "Your sister has the ability to destroy the universe in her sleepy state." It's pretty self-explanatory how destructive I am when I lumber off in sleepiness, bound to break and crash and inflict pain to all around me.

To make things worst, I am losing weight rapidly. Gila betul. Ye lah aku tau aku cakap nak turunkan berat badan tapi bukanlah 1 kilo dalam masa 3-5 hari. Nak kurangkan 3 kilo je tapi ni dah lebih. Moreover, I lose weight while pigging out on everything that is reachable. This is absurd. My body has defied the law of nature. I am ecstatic unhappy with my inhumane body.

(mumbles) Maybe I'm evolving into some sort of fat-sucking creature!? Yeah, yeah. If I can use this ability in an active way, I might be able to cure obesity and thus, achieve world peace. (snort) Ye lah tu.


I also have sore throat. It hurts. I can't speak a lot. It's painful not to be able to listen to my own voice.

Of Time and Space

Watching Ben 10: Alien Force today makes me feel nostalgic. Ah, the concepts of black hole and time warp are just the cure that I need whenever I reminisce about growing up. There are things that I want to change if I can go back to the past. Like, stopping myself from chewing my nails (I get to have horribly deformed nails because of this nasty habit of mine). Oh, and then there was the time when I changed my mind about pursuing art when I was in primary school. I wished I didn't stop going to classes back then. There is another thing. I wish I have rejected the offer for Bachelor of Education in IIUM. It's a burden to my mental health. I've become extremely narcissistic and neurotic to the point that I am blunt in voicing my opinion. Too blunt, I'd say, that my words can cause serious concussion to other people's self-esteem. I also refuse to believe that there is always a degree of goodness in every single being. I used to believe in second chances. Now, I reject everything that can be called ' giving another chance after making mistake'.

How I wish to be naive again so that my eyes can see things without being pejorative in every single aspect that I can find in human beings. I've become so obsessed with getting answers, I refuse to anything other options than black and white: no excuse can soothe my anger if someone else messes up my pace. My current mental image: annihilator. I get rid of those who obstruct my path, regardless of our relationship's status.

It's kind of terrible to grow up. You either become self-centred or pushover. I'm the later type. I don't care how much harm I cause others as long as I'm safe and secured: I love myself first, second and third. I do fulfil expectations put on me, whenever I feel like putting any efforts to please people. However, I don't do things that do not benefit me: there is always incentive behind everything I do. Kind of a horrible revelation when I reflect about my own personality.

That's why I wish I can turn back the time and somehow fix my bad traits. Which is impossible (going back to the past that is). The only thing that I can do now is acquire positive habits to balance out my negative personality. It's tough, though. Being nice is one thing that requires the most effort for me (laugh).

Making Fast money a.k.a Ponzi Scheme

It's bad enough that people start to fall into those "make-money-fast" scheme. It's worse when someone starts to insists doing MLM will make you rich that you can buy a Porsche in 6 months. What a scam. How can they not realize that they get less than what they invest (it's worst when they don't get anything at all).

To me, get-rich-fast investments like Swissfund and MLM are Ponzi schemes. Both are fallible: they're destined to collapse either by legal authority or the so called "top leaders" in charge vanish into thin air as soon as they get rich.

I'm amazed there are still people out there who haven't learned their lesson even though they've been duped by these Ponzi schemes. Don't they know the idiom, "Twice bitten, once shy"?


...I think it's one of the reason why Darwin believes human evolves from ape: they just don't get it (about being scammed).

The most annoying part is when those stupid people try to drag you along to the bottom of hell's pit fire. I'm no pushover. My sanity and my reasoning are intact and thank God I'm neurotic. Thanks for the offer but I'm no fool and I loath to part with my money. You can try to convince me to join your stupid business until your mouth froth with blood, but I will still decline your offer to make me crawl on the ground with you.

Ramblings after Exam

Yeah! Semantics the only paper left. (do frog dance)

oh ah eh!
Personally speaking, when I ranted on my blog about being clueless on many things, there are several terms that I found amusing and baffling.

1) MOFO - don't even know what it stand for but judging by how it's used in context, it refers to shitty people. (googles it) oh, la! it means motherfucker!
2)dipshit - everyone knows it's a curse word but how is it used specifically? (in context, it's used to refer to people with annoying, sassy attitude!?). Hmm, will find out later. (googles it)Means: a moron, a despised person, an ignorant asshole.

3)Why is it that "I wanna eat you" pops up instead of "I want to have sex with you" in stories? I don't dig. (google please!)...it has to do with fellatio. Gross!


...I don't know why but I I always vent out my frustration by being vulgar (and reading perverted stuff).

Alter ego: You're seriously fucked up.hehe...thanks to moi, your inner demon.
Me : ...someone, get me to a shrink. No, scrap that. Get me an exorcist.
Alter ego: You can try but you can't resist me, baby.

...This is the effect of studying too much moral subjects. Beware of moral education. It can get you severely deranged.

Speaking about life quote, Edward (FMA: Brotherhood) puts life's struggle in a nice quote:

A lesson without pain is meaningless. That's because no one can gain without sacrificing something. But by enduring that pain and overcoming it he shall obtain a powerful, unmatched heart. A fullmetal hear.

(Yay to me! I finally managed to watch all 64 episodes of FMA:B)


Recipe yum,yum,yum: How to make Miso Soup.


Serves 4

1/2 a packet of silken bean curd (tofu)
1 litre of dashi
10g wakame seaweed
60ml miso paste
2 spring onions, shredded, to garnish

1. Cut the bean curd into 1cm cubes. Bring dashi to the boil, lower the heat and add wakame seaweed (if not, use nori). Simmer for 1-2 minutes.
2. Pour a little of the soup into a bowl and add the miso paste, stir until it dissolves. Pour the mixture back into the pan.
3. Add the bean curd and heat through for 1 minute. Serve immediately and garnish with the spring onion.

Tip: Reduce heat when the stock boils to avoid loss of flavour.


Where oh where can I get instant dashi~~
Wakame, oh wakame, lalala~
Dashi, dashi, dashi equals to miso soup,
Yummy!


Reading of the week:

1) Cha! Chu! Cho! : a story about a cat's digestive problem. It's umm... very illuminating!?

2)Philosophy in the Classroom by Matthew Lipman, Ann Margaret Sharp & Frederick Oscanyan: philosophy in teaching children and guiding philosophy discussion in classroom. For my Method in Teaching Moral Education.

NEXT: Semantics. Need to cover on synonymy, antonymy and deixis

BOOKS: The Ultimate Retreat from Painful, Agonizing Reality

I might be the last person who picked up Greyson Chance. Not only him. I might be the only person who doesn't know what happens in this world for the past, I don't know, maybe 1 month? I'm so ignorant -_-

The only thing that I have been doing lately is read books, study for final, read academic stuff, sleep and read manga.

Reading is my retreat from unpleasant aspects of life.

I read because I find adventures, peace and solitude, as well as enlightenment in the stories penned by unknown people who impart their wisdom (or inane ideas) in the plots that they have made.

Talking about retreat-to-the-corner-of-the-world time, there are some books that I would really like to recommend to Syahmi (I know you don't really read thick books so I've mixed some choices here. Do read them when you have time).




A food guide by Consumers Association of Penang. It is an eye-opener to all human beings who eat (every single homo sapien on this planet should read it!). You don't know what kind of poisons you ingest everyday. Scary wooh. I could never have imagined some of the common food that we eat everyday may have small doses of harmful substances in them.


This is a must read for LoTR fans



Taken from Wikipedia:

The Silmarillion comprises five parts. The first part, Ainulindalë, tells of the creation of Eä, the "world that is". Valaquenta, the second part, gives a description of the Valar and Maiar, the supernatural powers in Eä. The next section, Quenta Silmarillion, which forms the bulk of the collection, chronicles the history of the events before and during the First Age, including the wars over the Silmarils which gave the book its title. The fourth part, Akallabêth, relates the history of the Downfall of Númenor and its people, which takes place in the Second Age. The final part, Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age, is a brief account of the circumstances which led to and were presented in The Lord of the Rings.

The five parts were initially separate works, but it was the elder Tolkien's express wish that they be published together. Because J. R. R. Tolkien died before he finished revising the various legends, Christopher gathered material from his father's older writings to fill out the book. In a few cases, this meant that he had to devise completely new material in order to resolve gaps and inconsistencies in the narrative.

Tales of each Age (of the Middle Earth world) are told in this book. There are five parts that tell tales of each Age.

The first tale is a profound story (for me). It's sort of a prelude to how the world of was created and how one of the Illuvatar's children, Melkor, deviated from the creator's wish. The depiction of his character sort of wowed me: charismatic and all powerfull but yet has insatiable desire for the world itself. His character truly overshadows Sauron. Meh. Me like Melkor.

And then there is the part where Beren, a man and Luthien, the first generation of elf fall in love with each other. This is the part where two generations of elf have made a choice for mortality: both Luthien (the first generation) and Elros, the descendant of Beren and Luthien chose to live with mortal life-span.

The book is an awesome prelude to LoTR, I tell you (you have to read it, Syahmi).


The third book of the day is, ta-da!: Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Caroll.



It's the sequel to Alice in Wonderland. This the part where she gets engaged in the battle of the Queens, chess-style: remember the White Queen and the Red Queen? Coming along, Alice meets Humpty Dumpty, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, and the illustrious Jabberwocky (me like the poem, even though it sounds nonsensical).

....................................

Now, I need to make time to watch all those dramas and movies I've collected (in my laptop). Must open my eyes. Don't...sleep..must watch..zzZZZ

YAY! No more assignments!

Ditto! After all those weeks that I have to endure puffy eyes, heart paplpitation, eye crossing and singing curses, I can finally rest in peace (no, I don't mean R.I.P as in death). After Semantics class today, I'll go into hibernation. (yawn) Can't wait to drift off to Fluffy land.

...final exam is just around the corner but I haven't done any revision yet -_-

Nevermind. I'll study later.

Study la sangat. Study katil.

Old School Blues

Some things invoke memories of past: old school blues bite. For me, the thing that jolts my memories during those ice age era is manga. Yep, it may make me sound like an otaku when I say this (laughs). I started reading manga since Primary One; my first manga was Doraemon. In the same year, I graduated from reading cat robot from the future to adventure-y stuff like Dragon Quest: Dai no Bouken, Dragon Ball.

(I had a crush on the villain in Da no Bouken, the Great King Vearn. Still does. Always will. Meh.)



Shoujou-ish stuff was the ick back then but after a while it caught like flu. During Standard 2 (or Standard 3, not really sure), I got hooked to Sailormoon and RG Veda and Slayers. Meh! Those old school stuff really rock. I miss reading them.

Currently, I get hooked to Minase Masara's stuff (Boy's Love genre) and The Breaker, a martial art manhwa (even though the characters are emo and the protagonist is undecided: Shioon or Goomoonryong? yeah, I'm a sucker for beautiful art even if the plot is retard).



I'm looking forward to read Vampire Hunter D (drawn by Hideyuki Kikuchi. His illustration is awesome). Mangafox hosted the manga but it has been removed T_T




I feel revitalized after reading manga. Who needs anti-depressant when you have manga? Mah.

Food Promotion.

I'm feeling extremely happy after reading Alia's post about her favourite food and places to eat. It's really a pick-me-up stuff (I love food too much but I don't have a big stomach to fit everything.lol).

Right. About food promotion there are two things that I want to include in this post.

The first one is Malaysia Cocoa & Choc Day 2010 at Mid Valley on 15-17 October (at Hall 2, people!) There's going to be a lot of chocolatiers from all over the world!

To quote the reviewer:
"Dedicated specially to serious chocolate lovers, chocoholics and chocolate connoisseurs from all walks of life, event highlights includes talks, demos, quizzes, chocolate secret recipes, contests and chocolicious samplings."

Taken from http://eventful.com/kualalumpur/events/malaysia-chocolate-fair-/E0-001-026029870-9@2011010811

I am so going to that event. Ngehehe.


For those who love Japanese style steamboat, there's going to be Nabe Promotion at Sushi King. I'm going to try nabe with miso soup and shoyu soup. Meh. Can't wait to go back home next week.
Hehe, I know about it from Sushi King Alamanda outlet. I am not sure if it is offered at other outlets, though. Oh, and there will also be Sushi King RM2 bonanza where you get to eat sushi for RM2 per plate (also at Alamanda. not sure if it's the same at other outlets).

I know I'm so lampi but I just get to know Baskin-Robbins' Pink Day (every Wednesday until teh end of this year) last time I went to BR with my mom. There was this guy with pink key chain who tried to get 2 ice creams at a cheap price (he looked so desperate when he tried to find something pink on him, my mom and I couldn't help but laughed about it at that time).

You simply show that you have anything pink on you (pen, nails, tie?! lol, etc) and pay only RM 7.50+ to get 2 of your most favorite flavors !!!
Additional : upgrade your sugar cone to a yummy Waffle Cone with only RM 1.50+ !

Taken from http://www.everyday.com.my/promotion/2010/3/Baskin-Robbins-Malaysia-Wednesday-is-BR-Pink-Day.shtml

Uwahhh!

No vocab came into my mind when I wrote the title above, therefore there is the stupid phrase(?).

I feel sleepy, get tired easily and has become a bumbling fool whose head is always foggy without the slightest notion of reality. Yes, I'm currently mired in Lala Land.

I haven't the slightest idea why am I in this condition. Even my lecturers notice my lack of focus in class: I get really low mark for my midterm papers. It is not a question not studying or lack of preparation. I got blank when I see the tests.

Maybe I got sick with some unknown disease of attention deficit or some alien bugs.
I've always been sick in the head so I know for sure that there is nothing wrong with my mind.

Oh lalala~ maybe I don't get my quota of perverted materials?!

Alter ego: Ignore the chinchilian manquot. She's a perverted neurotic.
Me: Oh yes, my existence defies the law of sanity.
Alter ego: (snort) Says the mad cow.

My Family and I (Ramadhan episode)

My mom gets lonely now that her children are staying away from home for most part of the year. Haha... tu lah, asyik bising kat aku sebab duduk rumah je masa cuti. Bila aku kat uni sibuk pulak suruh balik rumah.

Putting that aside, Ramadhan scenario at home has not changed a bit.

After Tarawikh, we'd go back home, flip the channel and talk. At approximately 2 o'clock in the morning my mom retires to her room. zzZZZ....

She'd wake up an hour later, holler at us to go to sleep (because my brother and I stays up until after Subuh prayer).
"Budak-budak, pergi tidur! Nanti bil elektrik naik!"

...ignore mak....

at 4 a.m, my mom would wake up, check on us again and start her line (see above). Being ignored, she would mumble something incomprehensible (I suspect she mumbles in Thai, though we have never been able to verify the case -_-).

At 5 a.m, my brother would go, "Mak! Bangun makan sahur!"

And I'd reply, "Diam lah kau! Pergi la makan sendiri!"

Then my mom would yell something like,"Diam lah korang!menjerit macam monyet!"

After all the commotion, we eat our sahur, my mom would persistently make us (more like shove in our forcefully)eat a lot.

Stuffed, we would sit on the couch like ular sawa kekenyangan.

This is when a new argument starts: the lack of space on the couch and other matters pertaining to the hierarchy of familial power. Shouts would ensue from each member of our family.


Adik: "Mak gemuk lah. Duduk sana sikit!"
Mak: "Ish, mana ada! Korang yang ambik space banyak sangat!"
Kakak: "Tepi sikit! Dah la bontot korang besar!"
Mak: "Korang patut hormat mak!"
Kakak: "Tak de kena-ngena dengan duduk kat sofa. Tepi!"
Adik: "Korang ni menyemak je!"


If I'm too sleepy to join in the argument, my mom and my brother would usually argue about the rights for the floor cushions.

It's really noisy at our house. I pity our neighbours who have to endure all the din we make -_-U

My family's repast is arguing. We don't need to pay for vocal training. We already have a vocal coach at home: my mom. Isn't that grand? (laughs)

Ersatz

I'm doing less and less substituting for other people lately (sigh with relief).

Maybe it's because I'm taking "no cock-and-bull" stand. I get ticked off when someone uses stupid excuses when they don't do their work. I used to be extremely audacious (more so than before) in voicing my mind (and action).

Now, I don't even have to tell off those leeches to do their work. I simply write off their names from the cover page without further warning: there is no way I am going to let someone take credit for what others have sweated for.

The only thing that pisses me off right now is a person who does not take responsibility seriously and excuses herself with bullshit reasons.

I am not angry. I'm just frothing foam from my mouth, feeling livid and extremely wroth with that inane, gormless, dimwit, lame brained girl.

Patience? Mercy? Don't expect that from me: nothing changes all year round for my personality. My patience runs very thin during Ramadhan. That person can expect me spurting fire from my mouth when we meet again. Oh, I so want to kick her arse off the universe.

Ramadhan, Tarawikh and School Life

I know I made a resolve this year: "Ramadhan ni aku nak kerap pergi buat solat tarawikh."

However, I get too lazy or too tired to go (because I usually finish class at 6.30, with the exception on Thursday and Friday).

Not only I'm too lazy to go for tarawikh, I also renege on my promise to eat properly. I get too lazy to buy food, I usually break fast with biscuits and drink (or whatever I have in my room). No, I am not on diet or anything. I'm just plain lazy to walk a few meters away from my room to buy food. -_-

Ah, apart from that, we're having a video shoot for teaching writing course. Hehe, it's really awesome to be in a recording studio loh, what with the lighthing and the teleprompter (rasa macam macam news caster baca skrip guna benda tu).

I have one assignment to submit next week on ethics in everyday life, Arabic midterm this Saturday, two more midterm exam next week, one presentation on financial control systems and panic payment (for my co-curricular class), and actual recording for syntax in writing next week.

It's raining miserably everyday, my sneakers got wet every time I get back to my hostel. Don't mistaken me God. I like cool weather but can you please make it cloudy, not rainy? Thanks.

Hud, I gave you my number already (in the comment section). If you come by at my uni, give me a holler, will you?

p/s: Syahmi and the rest of you guys who bother to read this post, take care of your health. If you feel like fainting, make sure you lower yourself to the ground. It is unsightly to see people crashing on the floor when they faint. Go to the clinic or skip class if you don't feel well.

Drabble, Babble, Cackle

I'm in a quagmire of assignments. Wargghh! Tensyen nya aku!

Cough. That's old news.

IIUM had this aurah awareness campaign and the guards started to fine students, especially females. It's so silly. The girls here wear proper attire in the campus meh. There was this girl who wore track bottom and top yang labuh who was fined on whims. Oh, not to forget a student was nearly given a summon when she was driving because "Lengan baju awak terselak," according to the pak guard.

What more need to be covered? The whole face. After this we can all go wear heave veils and stumble around. Impeded vision and stumbling around? It's a small price to pay if we can cover our ugly faces. "Yes!," the Student Council enthusiastically shouted. "Covering every part of your body, even your bulu roma is necessary because we are practicing Islamic culture".

Yeah, my ass. Someone even made a joke about starting a new fashion trend in IIUM. Let's all wear baju kelawar with inner. Then we can all avoid sinning (of exposing one's aurah). Yes! Bersayap adalah lebih baik.


BTW, I'm tempted to say this,"Why can't we learn to be IM MORAL (remove the spacing)?" I have way too many moral education subjects, I am tempted to do something immoral.

Of things that are not black or white

I love to read.

Lately, my reading materials have expanded to that of erotic stuff?!

Lol. I am currently reading Boy's Love novels.

Not that I'm into gay relationship or queer guys, but the way the stuff written are eye opener. I didn't even realize that most homosexuals initially have difficulty to admit that they have abnormal sexual orientation until I read BL stuff. Trying to constantly suppress their homosexuality is a long, constant battle against depression. It is really hard to deny yourself for what you are.

Posting this does not mean that I support homosexuality. I know it is wrong because God has created us for what we are supposed to be. However, life is not as simple and clear cut as black and white. That's why we are not supposed to easily condemned those who do not fit with the norm of society. I think I won't be really disgusted when someone admits that he/she is a homosexual because I know it must have taken a lot of courage for a homosexual to admit that he/she is one.

syntax

I am currently in a pinch.
I'm supposed to write a script for my Teaching Writing for Secondary School subject.

The topic: syntax. The highlights are 1) sentence structures, 2) sentence boundaries and 3) stylistic choices.

I need to explain these items in a manner that suitable for secondary school students. The script needs to be approved in 4 weeks before I can do video shoot for this stuff. How in Mother Goose's name am I suppose to explain syntactic properties to a bunch of teenagers when I don't even understand the subject itself???

I really hate linguistic courses.

Ketawa bagaikan pontinanak.

I caught a laughing disease: ketawa pontianak.
For some unknown reason, I laugh for the slightest thing that I found funny (tak lawak sangat pon)and I sound like a mad Jane. It's freaky when I hear myself laughing like a maniac (shudders).

Ramblings

It takes ages to open FB so I'm writing on this blog (which I am not supposed to do since my class starts now.haha). I've built up a lot of things I am not surprised if I blow up like Krakatoa these days. It's only the first week of semester and yet, I have managed to accumulate a lot of stress. Will go have plastic surgery on my mental image.

BTW, I love my Teaching Writing for Secondary School class coz Dr zainurin is a huge laugh. My face literally lights up and I can't control my face muscles: I smile throughout the class period. It's amazing how a guy who works in education field can be so fun. I've never had a teacher like that.

Oh, I think durian will remain as the "Stinky Fruit King" in my life forever. It's smells like putrefaction (rot, FYI).

Another year to go...

I'm currently in my third year. The start of the new semester is the markstone of maturity (in age). Ahh! The wisdom that comes with age. Not!

The ritual of coming age has been done (dragged by mom): I have already registered myself as a voter. Jadi ye, kalau tahun depan ada election kena pergi mengundi.


Huu...when I read Syahmi's post, I got really shad becaush I shtill ave another year to go.

Future career prospect: penganggur berjaya kot. I'm still undecided meh.

I'm pissed

I'm drowned by my mother's constant gossiping and her stupid rivalry with her friends. I'm the one who has to listen to her bitching all day long. How worse can this week gets? Female genus homo sapien can get down and dirty with when they hold grudges, especially against the same gender.

Another brilliant example of the so called friendship between women. Blegghh!!!

How do you know you're being hit on (by guys/girls)?

Among valuable things you can get from having conversations with your friends and acquaintances are: 1) you get to update your database on what's going with them and the world and 2) you get to know things that you don't know about yourself. This is the reason why I'm posting this dratted stuff here.


Flashback on the previous week:

I was bored. My primitive tiny-teenage urges acted up: I was sorely tempted to call up people. That was one of the "once in a blue moon" things that I did (among other things that are unmentionable. Drat! I love being a kid!). So, what's the relationship of my calling people and the topic? Well, I chatted with a few girlfriends, and among the things that came up were about people I used to know/met and their status. Being the ignorant ungoliant that I am, I was kind of surprised when they popped questions about our male friends/ acquaintances. "What happen to ****?"
My answer,"Uhm, I dunno lah. What happened to him, ah?"

The mentioned friends (female) replied something like,"Poor guy."

Me: What? He got into accident kah?

Them: No. Did he contact you after (some event or camp or seminar)?

Me: Yep. But then I lost my sim card/ I got fed up with him pestering me/ I never reply his messages/ I totally forgotten about that guy (either way, choose one option).

Them: He was hitting on you, babe.

Me: Haha... that's very funny.

Them: Seriously.

Me: How come? I never noticed. He didn't say anything.

Them: You're as dense as a lamp post. You should get a label on your forehead

....or their response would be:

Them: You were busy being mean to him.

....or their response would be:

Them: You are so ignorant.


.....................................................................................

The bottom line is, how do you know you're being hit on? I'm clueless, so hey, don't blame me for not noticing! I'm not a psychic.

A real man would have take a straight shot out of his glass and tells the girl he likes her (applicable to both gender. or all gender (trans)?!. I did that with all my previous boyfriend meh!). What's so hard about that?

New words and phrases!

Tush: (slang) buttocks; usually used to describe a hot majesty doing something silly. E.g: Orlando Bloom was caught swinging his tush singing "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias.

Batting for the other group: sexual preference for same gender.

Big donuts, small donuts, round donuts: a variety of donuts; this phrase is usually used to show off to others you have a lot of donuts while others don't (go figure).

avaricious: fancy word for greedy.

between Dante and Vergil: (syn. with Devil May Cry) a condition where one is unable to decide between two options (usually used in a situation that involves hooking up with males/women).

brows like tent/tenting brows: happens when one frowns hard.

turd: poop (usually shaped like a log. can also be found in other shapes). Can be used as an offensive insult. E.g: That show is utterly turd.

The Edge of Legitimacy

21. The legitimate age of adulthood. Many websites sanctioned for adults will be accessible once you're one (an adult). It's the only thing that makes it worth a while to think that I'm turning 21 this Sunday (sigh).

There are certain issues that have been playing in my mind lately due to, of course, aging factor. Like, " LIVE LIKE A VIRGIN BUT WHO THE HELL WANTS TO BE ONE FOREVER. IT SUCKS". Or, "I'M FINANCIALLY UNSECURED. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO LEECH MY MOM UNTIL I CAN EARN MY OWN MONEY?". And then there's "IN WHAT DIRECTION AM I GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE?" I am still confused to what I'm going to be in the future. I'm questioning myself what mettle, and what strength do I possessed, what profession should I choose: I'm in limbo. You fear what you don't know. I do not fear this uncertainty that I have. I am terrified of it. What if don't graduate cum laude? If I don't then can I still get a good job? What if I can't get a job at all? If I manage to get one, will I excel in it, or would I fail miserably? What if I don't fit in the scheme of the society?

Time moves on on without waiting anyone. You do something, then you can't reverse it back. That's why you weigh your options and make your decisions carefully so that you can avoid making mistakes or minimize negative outcomes. My reasoning sounds logical but then there is this tiny voice inside my head that says "Even if you try to make the best decisions in your life, you're bound to make mistakes. One or two of those can turn up to be something major. You miss up a step, and there's bound to be a time when you can't even do damage control. When that time comes, you're toast." I get scared thinking about it. I don't think I can fall back and cry for help from my family. My parents are practically undependable, especially my father.

Adulthood is a terrifying thing. It's sort of like plunging yourself in a deep dark hole, having faith that it's only a few metres deep instead of three thousands feet and everything hope that everything is going to turn up ok in the end.

This is my confession: I'm scared of being an adult. Call me stupid, tell me I'm immature or anything, but being an adult is one of my innermost fear.

Pain of growing up

I bang my head on the wall, "bang!","bang!", "bang!" to ease the pain in head. I scratched the wall with my own fingers until the bleed, the blood running down my hands like tiny rivulets of scarlet rivers. I kicked against the wall, pleading to the unknown force to make this pain in me stop.

The pain doesn't go away.

"It f^&%$#@ hurts!"

"Stop!," sobbing, "please stop it".


The unknown looks at me silently, wearing a mask of pity and sadness.


I screamed at it, "Why me?", pointing an accusing finger at the figure.


"It is the pain of life, child," he sighs,"One cannot feel bliss bliss without pain, one cannot be happy without sadness. No one can escape it, this pain. 'Tis the way of the world."

I love myself first, second, and third.

I love myself so much, I can never look at others and fall deeply in love with them (well, superficially, I love them but that's all). Does that make any sense to you my beloved (a.k.a me)?

Yes, oh yes, my precious self. You are the only one that loves me as I am as none shall.

Hmm, don't I sound like Gollum (LOTR) saying, "Yess, my preciouss"

-An excerpt from "Rambling of A Neurotic Girl: A Revelation on The Twisted Mind of Saki"

As opposed to Cak: Aku tak cuti!

next week ada exam. hari isnin paper testing and assessment in education. ada gap a few days. jumaat ada paper arabic.

TT_TT

Dah tak peduli, I just want to pass my arabic. I just don't want to repeat that paper.

Ada test Arrabic jap lagi

hari ini ada test. Arabic. tapi tak study pon. Hahaha...mampos lah saya.

My pick of jewelleries

Jewellery is an arm for life. I read this motto somewhere (can't remember from which ads though). Jewellery designers create beautiful accessories for people to wear. People don't wear accessories just for vanity only: they wear them as armors, as charms, as protections to ward insecurity and to boost self confidence. I like the concept of that: jewelleries as armors for adults. Accessories go a long way to help boost your self-image (and therefore boost your confidence to face whatever comes).

When I browsed through stylishdesign.com, I couldn't help but post this here. The website has a lot of accessories with beautiful designs. These are some of them that caught my eyes simply because they're simple and elegant.







The top one is macintosh-style rose stud earrings, which is awesome. It's simple and pwetty.

And then, there's the red coral pendant with really nice details on the upper silver stem. This one is simply elegant.

Next to it is a flowing design of amethyst bangle.

Ooh, and there is the pearl pendant. Simple, elegant and stylish. Reminds me of The Little Mermaid story. It's an ubber-sexy item bebeh.

The last item is an amber bangle.


Huhu...I can't help but drool over these jewelleries.

Even monkeys can attend university...

IIUM is plagued by monkeys (and wild dogs). Tak payah pergi zoo,datang UIA boleh tengok monyet spesis Macau whatever. Sekali tengok macam marching army, berderet dengan mak bapak, anak cucu cicit, nenek, datuk moyang, semua ada.

Masa facilitate for Program motivasi sekolah rendah, ada la a group of monkeys jalan berderet dekat atas bumbung. Semua pelawat excited tengok sambil cakap dengan seronoknya,"Eh, monyet lah! Tengok, tengok".

Pada masa itu, Ian pon mengeluarkan one liner yang sangat lawak, "We accept everything here". ROFL. Ye, ye universiti kami menerima sesiapa sahaja (sebagai pelajar), termasuk monyet.

Unfortunately, we did not take picture of the monkeys around here. They're ferocious creature. Any unwanted attention given to them directly can result in being chased by keluarga monyet

23 Things About Saya -A reply to to syahmi's tag

Random schizzes about myself. Here we go.

1) Suka makan, cakap pasal makanan & tengok gambar makanan.
2) Rasa Hud ada kaki yang cantik (shapely). Pernah mintak tukar kaki dengan dia masa interview Medsi.
3) Tak ramai kawan.
4) Tak suka keep in touch (contact kawan2 once in a blue moon kot) which explains no. 3.
5) Benci/takut/fobia dekat menatang yang ada lebih daripada 4 kaki = serangga.
6) Suka cakap ikut sedap hati, tak peduli sangat perasaan orang lain.
7) Sangat suka dekat orang/objek/tempat yang cantik.
8) Suka merapu.
9) Suka tahan pee (tabiat paling tak sihat -_-).
10)Pernah peluk strangers (a few times)sebab rasa diorang sgt cantik/handsome/cute.
11) Aku suka lelaki gay?!
12) I love my friends fiercely.
13) Though, I love my lovers loosely (haha..sebab tu x pernah lekat lama kot).
14) Paling tak suka pegang telefon. Sebab tu la jarang sangat-sangat telefon orang or jawab telefon. Takkan angkat kalau rasa tak nak angkat bila orang call (termasuk lah mak saya sendiri).
15) I keep changing my mind about what I'm going to be in the future (masa kecik nak jadi doktor, dah besar sikit nak jadi archeologist, pastu nak jadi lecturer, then nak jadi translator, after that nak jadi journalist. Sekarang ni? Hmm..rasa nak jadi scientist plak.
16) Baru perasan probability of Samy Vellu pakai rambut palsu sangat tinggi (99.9%) lepas Syahmi bagi tau.
17) I think I'm sexually frustrated right now.
18) Paling benci dekat orang yang terlalu dependent dekat orang lain.
19) I never forget grievances done to me.
20) Jarang berdendam, tapi kalau aku laknat someone tu, sampai bertahun-tahun aku tak maafkan. Ada budak tu buat aku marah gila masa Darjah 1, sampai sekarang pon aku still tak maafkan dia. (AMARAN: jangan ikut perangai ini).
21)Rasa Fatin, ex-roomate masa Asasi TESL kat Melaka, sangat cool sebab she's outspoken. Kalau ada tak puas hati, dia akan cakap. Aku suka orang macam tu.
22) Syahmi is like an anchor to my sanity because he's so dramatic, he makes tragedies sound like comedies.
23) Pandai mengurut. Maybe one day boleh buka rumah urut (LOL).

Tag: Hud, urm..Alif, lagi.. Ninie

It's a blue, blue day.

I'm writing this crap because I feel sad: I sucks in Arabic, have less than Rm10 in hand and feeling lonesome.

Alter ego: Why don't you call someone?

'Cause it's not cool to put other people in a damper. Being sad alone is better tahn dragging other people along.

I am leading a pathetic, unfulfilled life. Gotta do something worthwhile. Maybe I'll grow balls of my own (laughs).

Things that I learned from:

Ian:
we went to the KFC at KLCC after a field work.
"Order apa?"
"Emm, snack plate 1, original. nak tambah satu lagi ubi."

I was blur, and said, "oh, KFC ada jual ubi jugak ke?"
after a few moment of silence,
"kentang lah"

"Ubi? Kentang?!!" I was laughing like hell!

Another thing is the word "bela".

We were talking about her laptop,-it needed a reformat.

"I nak pergi bela laptop."

I was like "HA? Tak tau pun laptop boleh bela?"

"Bela tu baiki la. Korang tak tau ke?"
"tak pernah dengar pun. ada ke maksud macam tu dalam kamus dewan?"

I was rolling on the floor laughing sampai senak perut selama 1/2 hour.


Farah:

We went to pasar malam near the entrance of UIA. Masa nak beli barang, she proposed a theory "macam mana nak beli makanan yang sedap dekat pasar malam".

"Tengok orang yang jual tu macam mana. Kalau dia selekeh, mesti tak sedap. Kalau ada makcik jual makanan pakai rantai besar-besar, guarantee tak sedap punya lah."

Ian and I laughed. "Boleh pakai ke teori you tu Farah? Ada pulak macam tu."

" Betul lah. My dad yang cakap. Tengok char kuey toew yang kita beli kat kedai tadi. Sedap kan? Pak cik tu pakai smart je, pkai kereta V6."

"tak ada kena-mengena pun dengan sedap."

"Ada. Gerai yang lagi satu tu punya (char kuey teow) nampak tak sedap. Orang yang jual pun nampak selekeh."

It's raining, it's pouring

The sound of tapping fingers on a keyboard accompanies the rhapsody of rain and storm. I glanced out the window, fascinated by the flashes of lights crashing down, the sound so thunderous it reverberates the earth with the like of the sound of crashing simbals.

I wonder, how those puny worms could stand being assaulted by such loud noise?

Hoho...maybe because they're so slimy (they have lotsa liquid in their mass body) they get to suppress the sound, eh?! I'm such a genius.

Glossary

foodie: stuff that you eat.
chompchompnyumnyum: the act of eating.
aqualibrium: the ability to drink water while dancing around, or while fighting off a big pest without spilling the water itself.
walk like a poodle: jalan lembap macam ..., control ayu.
lick my nose: a sign of disapproval.

Exam!ExamExam!Assignment tak siap lagi! Warghh!!!

siapa boleh tolong?
siapa?
siapa?
emak tak mau tolong buatkan,
assignment saya.
hahaha,
padan muka,
sapa suruh main sakan,
kan dah jadi gila.

Febuari,
ada exam Issues in TESL,
tapi assignment tak siap lagi,
My monthly itinerary is in shamble!
jap gi kang kena la aku sawan B*%#.

Mummy!
Tolong!
Tolong!

Ustaz Kabuye bagi keja manyak,
Dr Mastura suruh buat article review,
sploh page pulak tu,
Dr ISA punya chart bila
nak siap?
Aku tak tau!
huhuhu TT_TT