The last time I was on the verge of death was when I tried to forgo eating for 5 days. Though that wasn't the worst near-death experience I've ever had. I think the worst one was when I was in Form 5 when my mom went for a woman's seminar. I was engrossed in reading, by the time my mom came home my soul was practically half out of my body.
Oh, the days I see stars when I forgo eating. But that only follows after feeling extremely irritated by the smallest thing I see, the urge to kick and pummel anything nearby. Oh, not forgetting the dizziness and uncontrollable shaking. These are initial stages before I succumb to the feeling of euphoria and my soul goes out of my body (I'd like to think that my soul REALLY flies out).
Back then I can go on just by drinking water for 3-5 days.
(Sigh). Now, I can only go on without food for about two days. I feel old.
It was enlightening: when you're dying (or feel like it). I feel like "There are more than shit in life" after being revived. I feel more serene about going through my mundane life after being revived (or more likely resurrected?!).
Near death experience is very Zen. I'd recommend others to experience near-death moment through starvation. It makes one appreciate life (and food) more.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Brain Drain
As much as I want to write something colourful like Samito's post, I can't. Couldn't. (I envy people with social life 'coz much of what I do is do assignment, sleep, eat, read and the cycle goes on and on and on). Blahblahblah.
I think I'm going down with depression because lately I've been staring up at the ceiling while lying down on the bed, unable to form a coherent thought. Blank. Reminds me of Hemingway's "nada y pues nada" in one his stories.
Combined with the anxiety of career life. My toilet/shower/bathroom time is preoccupied with "what profession am I going to land in?", "How much am going to earn?" and "Oh I wish my family's filthy rich so I don't have to worry about working and moolah."
The problem is: I overthink things.
Solution: Worry about future later. Now worry about assignments and final examination.
Conclusion: I'm a worrywart therefore, I am unable to produce any humorous nor enlightening piece of writing. That's why I've been submitting crappy written assignments. Thank God I am not suicidal.
God: You're a chicken shit. There's no way you're gonna kill yourself, silly.
Me : Um, yeah. Thank you for telling me the obvious thing.
~Fin~
I think I'm going down with depression because lately I've been staring up at the ceiling while lying down on the bed, unable to form a coherent thought. Blank. Reminds me of Hemingway's "nada y pues nada" in one his stories.
Combined with the anxiety of career life. My toilet/shower/bathroom time is preoccupied with "what profession am I going to land in?", "How much am going to earn?" and "Oh I wish my family's filthy rich so I don't have to worry about working and moolah."
The problem is: I overthink things.
Solution: Worry about future later. Now worry about assignments and final examination.
Conclusion: I'm a worrywart therefore, I am unable to produce any humorous nor enlightening piece of writing. That's why I've been submitting crappy written assignments. Thank God I am not suicidal.
God: You're a chicken shit. There's no way you're gonna kill yourself, silly.
Me : Um, yeah. Thank you for telling me the obvious thing.
~Fin~
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Ode to Indolence and Slothiness (and Lack of Wit)
I am extremely lazy to the point that I nearly died out of dehydration today because I am stupid enough to remember that I need to drink at least 2 litres of water everyday. Last week was a horror because hahaha... I shed skin: literally shedding skin like a molting snake.
I.Can.See.Skin.Everywhere.In.My.Room
My room is looking like dumpster because I am too lazy to clean it up.
Must clan everything before midterm break.
Oh, and I was extremely foggy during my Introduction to Moral Philosophy class. The lecturer suddenly popped out of nowhere and sat in front of me and started to ask questions but I was like "...." It went for sometime until I could comprehend that he was asking my friends and I about something.
"Oh, he was asking about asal mana?"
(I mentally scratch my head and pondered, "Er, aku asal mana yeh?")
After a few (long)seconds of thinking I replied something like "lahir KL, tinggal dekat Putrajaya"
Lately, cognitive ability has degenerated into that of a chimp's.
I can see how incoherent this post is. Must charge my brain. Will try to write more during break.
I.Can.See.Skin.Everywhere.In.My.Room
My room is looking like dumpster because I am too lazy to clean it up.
Must clan everything before midterm break.
Oh, and I was extremely foggy during my Introduction to Moral Philosophy class. The lecturer suddenly popped out of nowhere and sat in front of me and started to ask questions but I was like "...." It went for sometime until I could comprehend that he was asking my friends and I about something.
"Oh, he was asking about asal mana?"
(I mentally scratch my head and pondered, "Er, aku asal mana yeh?")
After a few (long)seconds of thinking I replied something like "lahir KL, tinggal dekat Putrajaya"
Lately, cognitive ability has degenerated into that of a chimp's.
I can see how incoherent this post is. Must charge my brain. Will try to write more during break.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Plague at Home
Being at home is supposed to make one feels better.
...but I am not feeling one iota of contentment.
First, I have had to wake up early in the morning and send my gran to the clinic everyday. No, I don't hate her. I just hate waking up before 10 o'clock. I get headache and I become extremely clumsy in the morning. My mom said to my brother, "Your sister has the ability to destroy the universe in her sleepy state." It's pretty self-explanatory how destructive I am when I lumber off in sleepiness, bound to break and crash and inflict pain to all around me.
To make things worst, I am losing weight rapidly. Gila betul. Ye lah aku tau aku cakap nak turunkan berat badan tapi bukanlah 1 kilo dalam masa 3-5 hari. Nak kurangkan 3 kilo je tapi ni dah lebih. Moreover, I lose weight while pigging out on everything that is reachable. This is absurd. My body has defied the law of nature. I amecstatic unhappy with my inhumane body.
(mumbles) Maybe I'm evolving into some sort of fat-sucking creature!? Yeah, yeah. If I can use this ability in an active way, I might be able to cure obesity and thus, achieve world peace. (snort) Ye lah tu.
I also have sore throat. It hurts. I can't speak a lot. It's painful not to be able to listen to my own voice.
...but I am not feeling one iota of contentment.
First, I have had to wake up early in the morning and send my gran to the clinic everyday. No, I don't hate her. I just hate waking up before 10 o'clock. I get headache and I become extremely clumsy in the morning. My mom said to my brother, "Your sister has the ability to destroy the universe in her sleepy state." It's pretty self-explanatory how destructive I am when I lumber off in sleepiness, bound to break and crash and inflict pain to all around me.
To make things worst, I am losing weight rapidly. Gila betul. Ye lah aku tau aku cakap nak turunkan berat badan tapi bukanlah 1 kilo dalam masa 3-5 hari. Nak kurangkan 3 kilo je tapi ni dah lebih. Moreover, I lose weight while pigging out on everything that is reachable. This is absurd. My body has defied the law of nature. I am
(mumbles) Maybe I'm evolving into some sort of fat-sucking creature!? Yeah, yeah. If I can use this ability in an active way, I might be able to cure obesity and thus, achieve world peace. (snort) Ye lah tu.
I also have sore throat. It hurts. I can't speak a lot. It's painful not to be able to listen to my own voice.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Of Time and Space
Watching Ben 10: Alien Force today makes me feel nostalgic. Ah, the concepts of black hole and time warp are just the cure that I need whenever I reminisce about growing up. There are things that I want to change if I can go back to the past. Like, stopping myself from chewing my nails (I get to have horribly deformed nails because of this nasty habit of mine). Oh, and then there was the time when I changed my mind about pursuing art when I was in primary school. I wished I didn't stop going to classes back then. There is another thing. I wish I have rejected the offer for Bachelor of Education in IIUM. It's a burden to my mental health. I've become extremely narcissistic and neurotic to the point that I am blunt in voicing my opinion. Too blunt, I'd say, that my words can cause serious concussion to other people's self-esteem. I also refuse to believe that there is always a degree of goodness in every single being. I used to believe in second chances. Now, I reject everything that can be called ' giving another chance after making mistake'.
How I wish to be naive again so that my eyes can see things without being pejorative in every single aspect that I can find in human beings. I've become so obsessed with getting answers, I refuse to anything other options than black and white: no excuse can soothe my anger if someone else messes up my pace. My current mental image: annihilator. I get rid of those who obstruct my path, regardless of our relationship's status.
It's kind of terrible to grow up. You either become self-centred or pushover. I'm the later type. I don't care how much harm I cause others as long as I'm safe and secured: I love myself first, second and third. I do fulfil expectations put on me, whenever I feel like putting any efforts to please people. However, I don't do things that do not benefit me: there is always incentive behind everything I do. Kind of a horrible revelation when I reflect about my own personality.
That's why I wish I can turn back the time and somehow fix my bad traits. Which is impossible (going back to the past that is). The only thing that I can do now is acquire positive habits to balance out my negative personality. It's tough, though. Being nice is one thing that requires the most effort for me (laugh).
How I wish to be naive again so that my eyes can see things without being pejorative in every single aspect that I can find in human beings. I've become so obsessed with getting answers, I refuse to anything other options than black and white: no excuse can soothe my anger if someone else messes up my pace. My current mental image: annihilator. I get rid of those who obstruct my path, regardless of our relationship's status.
It's kind of terrible to grow up. You either become self-centred or pushover. I'm the later type. I don't care how much harm I cause others as long as I'm safe and secured: I love myself first, second and third. I do fulfil expectations put on me, whenever I feel like putting any efforts to please people. However, I don't do things that do not benefit me: there is always incentive behind everything I do. Kind of a horrible revelation when I reflect about my own personality.
That's why I wish I can turn back the time and somehow fix my bad traits. Which is impossible (going back to the past that is). The only thing that I can do now is acquire positive habits to balance out my negative personality. It's tough, though. Being nice is one thing that requires the most effort for me (laugh).
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Making Fast money a.k.a Ponzi Scheme
It's bad enough that people start to fall into those "make-money-fast" scheme. It's worse when someone starts to insists doing MLM will make you rich that you can buy a Porsche in 6 months. What a scam. How can they not realize that they get less than what they invest (it's worst when they don't get anything at all).
To me, get-rich-fast investments like Swissfund and MLM are Ponzi schemes. Both are fallible: they're destined to collapse either by legal authority or the so called "top leaders" in charge vanish into thin air as soon as they get rich.
I'm amazed there are still people out there who haven't learned their lesson even though they've been duped by these Ponzi schemes. Don't they know the idiom, "Twice bitten, once shy"?
...I think it's one of the reason why Darwin believes human evolves from ape: they just don't get it (about being scammed).
The most annoying part is when those stupid people try to drag you along to the bottom of hell's pit fire. I'm no pushover. My sanity and my reasoning are intact and thank God I'm neurotic. Thanks for the offer but I'm no fool and I loath to part with my money. You can try to convince me to join your stupid business until your mouth froth with blood, but I will still decline your offer to make me crawl on the ground with you.
To me, get-rich-fast investments like Swissfund and MLM are Ponzi schemes. Both are fallible: they're destined to collapse either by legal authority or the so called "top leaders" in charge vanish into thin air as soon as they get rich.
I'm amazed there are still people out there who haven't learned their lesson even though they've been duped by these Ponzi schemes. Don't they know the idiom, "Twice bitten, once shy"?
...I think it's one of the reason why Darwin believes human evolves from ape: they just don't get it (about being scammed).
The most annoying part is when those stupid people try to drag you along to the bottom of hell's pit fire. I'm no pushover. My sanity and my reasoning are intact and thank God I'm neurotic. Thanks for the offer but I'm no fool and I loath to part with my money. You can try to convince me to join your stupid business until your mouth froth with blood, but I will still decline your offer to make me crawl on the ground with you.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Ramblings after Exam
Yeah! Semantics the only paper left. (do frog dance)
oh ah eh!
Personally speaking, when I ranted on my blog about being clueless on many things, there are several terms that I found amusing and baffling.
1) MOFO - don't even know what it stand for but judging by how it's used in context, it refers to shitty people. (googles it) oh, la! it means motherfucker!
2)dipshit - everyone knows it's a curse word but how is it used specifically? (in context, it's used to refer to people with annoying, sassy attitude!?). Hmm, will find out later. (googles it)Means: a moron, a despised person, an ignorant asshole.
3)Why is it that "I wanna eat you" pops up instead of "I want to have sex with you" in stories? I don't dig. (google please!)...it has to do with fellatio. Gross!
...I don't know why but I I always vent out my frustration by being vulgar (and reading perverted stuff).
Alter ego: You're seriously fucked up.hehe...thanks to moi, your inner demon.
Me : ...someone, get me to a shrink. No, scrap that. Get me an exorcist.
Alter ego: You can try but you can't resist me, baby.
...This is the effect of studying too much moral subjects. Beware of moral education. It can get you severely deranged.
Speaking about life quote, Edward (FMA: Brotherhood) puts life's struggle in a nice quote:
A lesson without pain is meaningless. That's because no one can gain without sacrificing something. But by enduring that pain and overcoming it he shall obtain a powerful, unmatched heart. A fullmetal hear.
(Yay to me! I finally managed to watch all 64 episodes of FMA:B)
Recipe yum,yum,yum: How to make Miso Soup.
Serves 4
1/2 a packet of silken bean curd (tofu)
1 litre of dashi
10g wakame seaweed
60ml miso paste
2 spring onions, shredded, to garnish
1. Cut the bean curd into 1cm cubes. Bring dashi to the boil, lower the heat and add wakame seaweed (if not, use nori). Simmer for 1-2 minutes.
2. Pour a little of the soup into a bowl and add the miso paste, stir until it dissolves. Pour the mixture back into the pan.
3. Add the bean curd and heat through for 1 minute. Serve immediately and garnish with the spring onion.
Tip: Reduce heat when the stock boils to avoid loss of flavour.
Where oh where can I get instant dashi~~
Wakame, oh wakame, lalala~
Dashi, dashi, dashi equals to miso soup,
Yummy!
Reading of the week:
1) Cha! Chu! Cho! : a story about a cat's digestive problem. It's umm... very illuminating!?
2)Philosophy in the Classroom by Matthew Lipman, Ann Margaret Sharp & Frederick Oscanyan: philosophy in teaching children and guiding philosophy discussion in classroom. For my Method in Teaching Moral Education.
NEXT: Semantics. Need to cover on synonymy, antonymy and deixis
oh ah eh!
Personally speaking, when I ranted on my blog about being clueless on many things, there are several terms that I found amusing and baffling.
1) MOFO - don't even know what it stand for but judging by how it's used in context, it refers to shitty people. (googles it) oh, la! it means motherfucker!
2)dipshit - everyone knows it's a curse word but how is it used specifically? (in context, it's used to refer to people with annoying, sassy attitude!?). Hmm, will find out later. (googles it)Means: a moron, a despised person, an ignorant asshole.
3)Why is it that "I wanna eat you" pops up instead of "I want to have sex with you" in stories? I don't dig. (google please!)...it has to do with fellatio. Gross!
...I don't know why but I I always vent out my frustration by being vulgar (and reading perverted stuff).
Alter ego: You're seriously fucked up.hehe...thanks to moi, your inner demon.
Me : ...someone, get me to a shrink. No, scrap that. Get me an exorcist.
Alter ego: You can try but you can't resist me, baby.
...This is the effect of studying too much moral subjects. Beware of moral education. It can get you severely deranged.
Speaking about life quote, Edward (FMA: Brotherhood) puts life's struggle in a nice quote:
A lesson without pain is meaningless. That's because no one can gain without sacrificing something. But by enduring that pain and overcoming it he shall obtain a powerful, unmatched heart. A fullmetal hear.
(Yay to me! I finally managed to watch all 64 episodes of FMA:B)
Recipe yum,yum,yum: How to make Miso Soup.
Serves 4
1/2 a packet of silken bean curd (tofu)
1 litre of dashi
10g wakame seaweed
60ml miso paste
2 spring onions, shredded, to garnish
1. Cut the bean curd into 1cm cubes. Bring dashi to the boil, lower the heat and add wakame seaweed (if not, use nori). Simmer for 1-2 minutes.
2. Pour a little of the soup into a bowl and add the miso paste, stir until it dissolves. Pour the mixture back into the pan.
3. Add the bean curd and heat through for 1 minute. Serve immediately and garnish with the spring onion.
Tip: Reduce heat when the stock boils to avoid loss of flavour.
Where oh where can I get instant dashi~~
Wakame, oh wakame, lalala~
Dashi, dashi, dashi equals to miso soup,
Yummy!
Reading of the week:
1) Cha! Chu! Cho! : a story about a cat's digestive problem. It's umm... very illuminating!?
2)Philosophy in the Classroom by Matthew Lipman, Ann Margaret Sharp & Frederick Oscanyan: philosophy in teaching children and guiding philosophy discussion in classroom. For my Method in Teaching Moral Education.
NEXT: Semantics. Need to cover on synonymy, antonymy and deixis
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